


SALT SQUAD

by orphan_account



Series: Sassy Squad Shenanigans [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Dorms, I'll try to humor you but idk, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Wake akaashi up inside, and salt, drama everywhere, lots of sass, meme queens, not really AU but really not canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-12
Updated: 2016-08-07
Packaged: 2018-07-14 15:10:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7176884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens when the members of our beloved Sass Squad move into one building? The answer: way too much drama. </p><p>Read "Sass Squad" before this one!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Damn it's me I'm back with the sequel to "sass squad"!  
> I'm also gonna force you into my one and only crackship: Konoshou!  
> (KonohaXDaishou)  
> I hope I'll expand the non-existent fanbase this way...  
> Anyway, have fun reading!

The rain was pouring down. The pleasant rhythmic sound of rain of glass had escalated to a loud nonstop ticking. Outside was a place many people avoided right now. Just one guy ran across the slippery streets. What he was running for was even darker than the dark, cloudy sky. It was his private secret, a pain he didn't want to endure on his own, but he had to. He just needed companion right now. The man was wearing headphones and mumbled along with the loud music, in a kinda creepy and insane manner.  
"It's these substandard motels on the, lalalala, corner of 4th and Fremont Street…"  
The guy had tears in his eyes, and a weird, bit psycho expression. His hair was soaked, and little raindrops were falling down from the tips. He didn't know where he was headed, but suddenly halted before a sophisticated, quiet little bar. He entered the bar and without looking around, he sat down on a chair before the old wooden bar .He took off the headphones and with a last beat he made the music quiet down.   
"Hey, are you okay?" The crying man looked up at this question. Straight into a pair of golden eyes. Eyes so gold that they reminded him of the very reason he was running away, crying. That guy who had spoke had short, blond hair and sharp slanted eyes. The other one was trying to speak, but could only stutter. "It's okay. I'm Konoha," the blond spoke comforting. The crying man wiped away some tears and then muttered: "Daishou."

"Wait." Konoha narrowed his eyes, making them even more sinister looking. They resembled Daishou's eyes, now that the brunet was thinking about it. "Daishou Suguru, archenemy of Kuroo's, and also in the infamous Sass Squad?"  
Daishou nodded. That comment had brought back the reason for his tears, stinging more than they should have. But he couldn't blame this Konoha. He was way too glad he had someone to talk to. He knew that he couldn't be left alone when he was in this mood, because they could be destructive. And Konoha seemed nice enough. "Yes, that's me." Konoha reached for a glass and filled it to the top with beer. Without even speaking he putted down the glass in front of Daishou. "Here you go. I betcha came here for a drink? Anyhow, you're getting one. It's on the house, don't worry about the money!" Daishou's eyes widened in surprise at this kind little gift.  
"Y-you sure? You won't get in trouble with your boss?"  
Konoha smirked. "What boss? I'm the boss here! The very leader of this all. That's me! I inherited this place from my dad, y'know? Family business, it's really something. But I like it, so you won't hear me complaining."

Daishou let out a little laugh. He liked Konoha. He seemed like a nice, open hearted guy, a little mischievous maybe. Then Daishou reached for the glass and gulped down the beer. "And," Konoha then spoke, "what's your problem?"  
Daishou sighed a little, the pain slowly returning. "I'm… in love with this guy."  
Konoha laughed. "You're at the right address! So, what's the matter ?" Daishou waited a while before answering. "He already has a boyfriend. They just hooked up and they're crazy about each other. I tried to accept it… But shit happened and now I'll be living in one house with them. It's too late to find another dorm, but I just don't think I can handle it, living with them. And I have no one to talk with about it. " 

A little moment of silence, just them and the violent pouring of the rain. Daishou drank the rest of the beer in one tug, wanting to drown the pain. "So what if I get a hangover?" Konoha smirked a little. "It's beer without alcohol. You're underage, right?" Daishou flushed a little, embarrassed at the mistake he made. "Anyway," Konoha continued, "damn, man, that quite the hellish situation you're in. Not even I can fix that, unfortunately." Daishou sighed. "I know, I didn't expect you to solve it. I'm just not worthy enough."  
Konoha's expression changed into a fierce one. "Just because that guy is in love with another, you shouldn't give up on yourself! You're good as you are!"  
Then, Konoha's expression changed. "You… Aren't you in a dorm with Kuroo and Tsukishima?!"  
Daishou nodded. "It's Kuroo."

"Woah." Konoha seemed at a loss for words. "I know," Daishou replied. He fidgeted with his empty glass. "It's hopeless," he then continued. Konoha patted Daishou on the back. "You know what? I'll become your sounding board for this mess you're in. No one should be left alone with problems this big." Daishou shot him a confused look. "You… Don't need to. It's okay. You have better things to do in your free time."   
Konoha didn't listen and instead handed him a strip of paper. "My address and telephone number. Feel free to call whenever you need to, okay?"  
"That's 20 minutes from where I live," Daishou yelled surprised.  
Konoha smirked. "Call me your guardian angel." 

He then walked over to the radio, which was playing soft classical music. After a few minutes "The Ballad of Mona Lisa" played.  
"You were listening to them just now, right? Well, this is my favorite one," Konoha said. Then he screamed: "Sing along!"  
So together they did just that, the rain in the background fading away.


	2. The Morning Before

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First up, Oikawa was too late. "Fashionably late" was what he had called it, but no one had taken his bullshit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The adventure really starts! You'll also read who the mysterious new roommates are! Have fun reading!

"I'm tired and I want to sleep. Right. Now." Akaashi sounded too tired to even be humanly possible. He slumped down on Bokuto's shoulder, who seemed all to happy to get thrown this tired version of Akaashi at him, flashing the black haired guy a bright smile. Unfortunately, Akaashi wasn't the only one that had trouble dealing with being up this early.Tsukishima and Iwaizumi dealt with it by emptying roughly six cups of coffee in their mouth, whilst Kuroo opted for energy drinks instead. Daishou seemed to have gone in a total shut-down, looking the worst out of all. He wasn't even responding to questions, just siting and staring into the distance. The only ones unaffected by tiredness were Bokuto and Oikawa. Bokuto looked a little messy, with bedhair and too many folds in his clothes, but he was cheery and basically the only one keeping Akaashi together, which pleased everyone to no end because Akaashi on a breakdown wasn't a pretty sight at all. Oikawa, to everyone's frustration, looked perfect. His hair was fluffy and modeled, his clothes were fold-free, his voice was no different from the usual and there wasn't even a hint of darkness underneath his eyes. That was also one of the reasons why no one really even tried taking to the brunet. The other reason was the entire drama that had gone down before they had even managed to get into the train. 

First up, Oikawa was too late. "Fashionably late" was what he had called it, but no one had taken his bullshit. Oikawa was Oikawa after all, which meant that around eighty percent of everything he said were either lies or mere attempts to cover up mistakes by showing off instead. Everyone was already tired by then, especially because Oikawa looked flawless while they kind of looked like death warmed over. But that had only been the beginning of endless torture. To start, eternal fights between everyone. The tiredness only fueled the salt and sass levels, causing a major boost in people telling each other off. No one had been spared from sharp insults, really. Meanwhile Oikawa wasn't done with messing up basically everything. He was worried he might have forgotten to pack his Star Wars DVDs, which caused him to just turn his suitcases upside down. Yeah. Suitcases. While most just took one suitcase or just a very large bag with them, of course Oikawa had two suitcases and a handbag.   
And all of those contents had been spread across the floor, causing Iwaizumi to almost break his neck over a hair dryer, resulting in more fights. And to top it off, it took way too much time for Oikawa to find all the DVDs and then put all the clothes and stuff back as neatly as possible to make it fit. It was unfair, really, how torturous Oikawa was in the morning. Lastly, Oikawa had "lost" his ticket, had to look through all this stuff again, only to conclude that the ticket was in the pocket of his jacket. The group wasn't even sure if Oikawa actually did this without meaning to.And then there was the pressing matter of who would be living with Bokuto and Akaasi, or with Iwaizumi and Oikawa. The one empty place for a new guy was intimidating and frightening, although Oikawa claimed to be excited for the newbie. Altogether, just getting to the train had been tiring enough, the squad almost at breaking point if it wasn't for Bokuto carefully keeping Akaashi together. After all, Akaashi was the group's pillar: if it tumbled down it took the entire building with him, so everyone handled the two with care, afraid to mess them up.

But finally they were seated, just waiting until they'd finally arrive. Kuroo and Tsukishima were killing their time with holding hands and looking outside, at the landscape flying by. Daishou glanced over at them with a look no one on the train would get, then whipped out his cellphone and started texting the number he had put into his contacts just two days ago. Surprisingly, a smile appeared on his face after texting for a while, a vague and pure smile, easy to miss but unmissable once you've seen it. Akaashi was half asleep on Bokuto's shoulder with Bokuto listening to loud music. Lastly, Oikawa was taking selfies, while Iwaizumi was reading and busy to avoid the camera by shielding his face with the book. The tension faded from the morning air. Just curiosity and excitement rested. Oikawa was already starting a story about all the great things he and his roommate (or "roomie", as Oikawa liked putting it) would do, the music they would listen, the things they'd eat. Luckily Iwaizumi found a way to make Oikawa stop the rather long and uninteresting story, after which Oikawa decided to sing. "Just another, just another, oh oh. Just another LA devotee~" Oikawa had a pleasant singing voice, so everyone letted him sing the song, that surprisingly fitted Oikawa. Then finally the train halted at their stop. The seven people grabbed their bags and suitcases before vanishing into the morning sun. 

They were nearing the apartments. The tension between them was building (except Bokuto, he was just curious). Even though Tsukishima, Kuroo and Daishou already knew that they wouldn't be given a new roommate, they were also a little tensed. After all, these newbies would have to be a part of their group, wouldn't they?   
Yet, no one except Bokuto really talked, so the only noises heard were the excited screams Bokuto made and the soft sound the wheels of Oikawa's suitcases (because there was no way in hell Oikawa would carry his suitcases).   
The seven reached the entrance of the apartment, reading the quite classy sign placed on the building.   
They sighed in unison before entering the building they would call home soon and walked through the colorful hallway painted in various colors. In the end of the hallway they had to wait on the apartments' owner.  
According to Akaashi's watch they had roughly ten minutes left, but he still pushed the group to walk faster. Suddenly they heard voices. "No way Tubbs is the best cat." "You know Tubbs is the best cat, stop denying."  
A slight scoff echoed through the hall. "Good? Okay, I can accept that. Best? No. That spot is reserved for Ginger."  
"What the fuck? Ginger? That's just another boring regular cat, just with red fur!"  
"But that red fur doesn't make him boring."  
Without warning, Oikawa and Iwaizumi froze. "No…"   
The two turned around, facing the new guests. "Makki?! Mattsun?!"  
"The one and only," they replied in unison. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MEME QUEENS CONFIRMED


	3. Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matsukawa leaned in closer to Oikawa and Iwaizumi and whispered: "O shit waddup." And that was the sound of the gates of hell opening. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with more crappy writing! 100 chapters planned, Jesus. Every chapter will be about one thing: the first night, the first trip to the convenience store etc. hope y'all enjoy!

Oikawa chuckled softly. This was a prank. He had suffered through too many of these pranks to trust Matsukawa and Hanamaki anymore. He couldn't flip out. He had a reputation to protect. Not the "I Won A Bug Eating Contest" reputation like Bokuto had, but a real and important one. He had to stay calm. He wouldn't look stupid in front of all these people. He couldn't. "So… It's really sweet to visit us here, Makki and Mattsun. But you don't have to." Iwaizumi looked doubtful too, but he seemed to be good with Oikawa taking over. "Ah, alien fucker, don't be daft, my dear. Of course we aren't going to visit you," Hanamaki said in an awful English accent (why???). Matsukawa continued, in a similar accent. "Read this, my darling." He unlocked his phone, showing Oikawa a screenshot of an email. A confirmation email. Confirmation as in, Matsukawa and Hanamaki are allowed to live in the dorm. Confirmation as in, Matsukawa and Hanamaki will be living with you. Confirmation as in, welcome to hell motherfucker. Well then, Oikawa thought, there we go. I look stupid in front of all these people. Iwaizumi stared at the email too. "No," he muttered. "Dear god please no. I didn't do anything wrong." Matsukawa leaned in closer to Oikawa and Iwaizumi and whispered: "O shit waddup." And that was the sound of the gates of hell opening. 

It turned out that Matsukawa would be the one living with Oikawa and Iwaizumi, and Hanamaki would live with Akaashi and Bokuto. Akaashi looked like his birthday had been cancelled, probably because he realized he had to deal with two problematic little shits instead of one. Not to mention that Kuroo was too close for comfort, and in the same space as Daishou. Not to mention Oikawa. Bokuto tried bringing life back into Akaashi, but it didn't really seem to work anytime soon. To be fair, Akaashi wasn't the only one with a face that looked like the "this is fine" dog. Tsukishima was pulling a very annoyed face too, Daishou was giving a Shady Side Eye, Kuroo was Shady Side Eyeing back, Oikawa seemed close to tears and Iwaizumi got a can of black coffee out of his bag and emptied the entire can in his mouth in one tug. Overall, most of them realized this plan was the worst one ever and it would probably all go horribly wrong. Everyone except Bokuto. He still looked like an puppy on his first walk. And well, Hanamaki and Matsukawa were fully aware of the unavoidable chaos up ahead, but they were looking forward to it, because they were those kinda people who would get up and grab some popcorn once the world would explode. 

The owner was surprisingly kind. She was a little short and had blonde hair. She introduced herself as Yachi. Akaashi already felt sorry for her. Actually, Yachi didn't look Ready To Boss at all. She looked more Ready To Panic Attack The Fuck Out. Well, she had a valid excuse. She showed the guys around. The rooms were nice. They weren't anything fancy, but they were big enough and had everything they really needed. "U-um, I hope this is enough… I-If it's not g-good enough, tell me please! I'll get going… E-enjoy yourselves!" Yachi dashed off. "Well," Tsukishima said flatly, looking around, possibly considering following Yachi and never setting foot in here again. 

"Isn't this exciting?! This is going to be GREAT!!!" Bokuto was dense like always, still unaware of the nearing danger. Akaashi was laying on the couch, face down, arms crossed over his head. Oikawa just quietly walked off to his own room, two suitcases on wheels following. Iwaizumi decided to go after him. Tsukishima decided to lock himself in his room too, so did Daishou.   
Ten minutes later, Bokuto's screeching filled the entire building. "DAT BOI IS SO COOL, HANAMAKI AND MATSUKAWA!!!!!!!!!" 

It was official. The Hunger Games had begun.


	4. The first trip to the convenience store

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa was trusted with the great task of guiding everyone to the convenience store, since he claimed he had been here before and knew the area "like he knew Iwa-chan's browser history."

"Let's get food first. We need to stock up," Akaashi said softly. He was broken. Hanamaki and Matsukawa had introduced Bokuto and Kuroo to memes. A lot of them. The entire neighborhood must've heard their screams by now. Worse, the memes made Bokuto forgot about his only damn job: keeping Akaashi sort of alive. Long story short: Akaashi magically calmed everyone down. It involved throwing a vase at them, and lots of screaming. "Good idea, Akaashi," Bokuto said cheerily. Tsukishima, Daishou, Iwaizumi and Oikawa retreated from their safe rooms, bringing sighs and resting bitch faces with them. "Well," Oikawa tried, "we can try to make this as easy as possible for all of us, right? You guys have me, I'll be the angel brightening your road!"   
Oikawa wasn't, in fact, the angel brightening their road. The only thing he did was making the road dark and very violent. Mainly because Oikawa was trusted with the great task of guiding everyone to the convenience store, since he claimed he had been here before and knew the area "like he knew Iwa-chan's browser history." That comment said enough. It turned out Oikawa indeed had been here before, but he was just a year old and didn't remember it that well. Or, y'know, he didn't remember it at all. Typically, this information was revealed after the group found out they had been walking three kilometers in the wrong direction. Akaashi had to play god again and guide the strays back to the Right Path. After a lot of squabbling, death threats and "I shouldn't have agreed to this at all", of course. Oikawa decided that instead of "brightening their road" he'd "brighten their ears", so he started playing a song called Shocking Party on full volume and screamed along. No one thought this was a good plan, especially since no one was in the mood for J-Pop. Matsukawa came with a solution. It was called the "Dat Boi Cleansing Method". It was basically playing Dat Boi, yelling the text, and trying to be louder than Oikawa's J-Pop. What a great time to be alive.

After a painstakingly long time, they finally spotted the convenience store. Akaashi spontaneously teared up. Bokuto and Kuroo quickly got inside , desperate to have first pick on what they would buy. Akaashi had created the "communal wallet" that only he had access to. He would've given Iwaizumi and Tsukishima access, but that was before he heard that those two collected merchandise involving dinosaurs (and Godzilla), and probably would spend the money on it. Daishou was an option, but Akaashi hadn't forgiven him for his fights with Kuroo. Also, his favorite pizza was Hawaii. You just don't trust people who put pineapple on pizza. Matsukawa and Hanamaki were draped all over each other, taking selfies with Tsukishima. Tsukishima still had the "no selfie ILL BREAK YOUR FUCKING NECK I SWEAR TO SATAN" policy, so that was a delight. Daishou strolled behind, not involving himself in the drama, and instead texting someone. 

It wasn't easy shopping with Kuroo and Bokuto. They had a knack for dropping gross, expensive or random items in the cart, which Akaashi had to remove and ask Kuroo and Bokuto to return it. He knew for sure they weren't returning it in its original place, but he had no energy to focus on those things now. So yeah, shopping with Kuroo and Bokuto wasn't fun in the least. 

However, grocery shopping with Oikawa was death. Oikawa, it turned out, was a picky eater. Iwaizumi tried to keep him in check and give the best advice possible about what Oikawa would eat, but since this convenience store was "weird" Oikawa made a huge fuss. "I don't wanna eat yucky cheap curry," he whined. Tsukishima scoffed at him, while both Akaashi and Iwaizumi attempted to explain him that they had to both sell a kidney if Oikawa wanted to get the most high quality food. "Sell your kidneys then," he encouraged them. In the end, Iwaizumi had to restrain him as Akaashi dumped the curry in the cart. They all realized they were really poor, so the cheap instant curry, ready made bentos and cup noodles were almost the only thing they knew they could safely buy. Along with that, they bought orange juice and a cheap family size pack of gummy candy. Akaashi paid from the communal wallet, already sighing at its emptiness, and carried the bag with all the food. He was glad this part was done, but he knew the dinner itself was yet to come. And he was god damn dreading it.

**Author's Note:**

> Damn the plot twists today.  
> This is also the reason why Daishou wasn't really up last chapter. This chapter also sets the mood for this fic: a little bit gloomier than "Sass Squad".  
> Don't worry though, I'll try to keep it humorous!


End file.
